Why do we become obsessed with our partners exes?

One evening, Holly,* then 22, was sitting on the sofa with her boyfriend, Harvey, 22, in his family home, when he mentioned that his ex, Harmony, had an OnlyFans account. Holly joked that she was going to subscribe to Harmony’s page, and they both laughed. Holly, however, wasn’t joking. Back home, she found Harmony’s page and subscribed. She’d already looked at Harmony’s Instagram, flicking through old photos of her and Harvey at prom, in school uniform, on holiday together. But scrolling through her OnlyFans account felt like she’d unlocked something else, like she was “meeting a different character altogether.” SEE ALSO: How to protect your mental health while using dating apps “I would study photos of her boobs, bum, vagina, etc., and tally up where I stood in relation,” Holly told me. “I just wanted to see her nipples compared to mine.”In our digitally mediated worlds, we have our partners’ entire romantic histories at our fingertips. For the curious (or forensically-obsessed) among us, the proximity to all this information is intoxicating. We find ourselves lying in bed, alone, stroking our iPhones, scouring our partners’ ex-flings’ LinkedIn credentials, Substacks, and sepia-tinged selfies from 2011. Obsessing over a partner’s ex feels dirty and salacious, shameful and delicious. Like scratching an inflamed mosquito bite, the sensation is sweet and stinging, always leaving us wanting more. So why do we do it?A gendered problem?”A lot of information on this subject is really poor,” said psychotherapist Toby Ingham, who has written a book about “retroactive jealousy”…Why do we become obsessed with our partners exes?